Until
I'll be awhile
in the dismal grays
the foggy saturating
mists
the veiled darkened
nights
I don't expect you
to be there with me
I'll be awhile
in the cavern of sorrow
weeping bitterly
sometimes screaming
without sound
I don't expect you
to hear me
I'll be awhile
in moments that flip
in an instant
back to the second
I knew
I don't expect you
to join me
I'll be awhile
whispering shame
renting and tearing
myself down
hating that I can't
change what happened
I don't expect you
to redeem me
I'll be here awhile
in the ether
in the land where
fear reigns
where anger shares
its bed
I don't expect you
to feel what I feel
I'll be here awhile
I don't know time
I only know until
I beg until to come
soon
I don't expect you
to wait for me.
I'll be here awhile
grieving the loss
of a life
to suicide and I am
left
To sort it out with
the spirit of broken hearts
I don't expect you
to be a balm to my wound.
I'll be here awhile
longer than I know
starting life over
finding an identity
that lets me live
I don't expect you
to know who I am.
I'll be here awhile
and for those who
don't know
what this place is
like
I cannot tell you
I expect you to know
that you do not understand.
Written
April 5, 1999, by Christine Saraceno
wife
of Paul (11/20/98)
